Rescue-Seabird

Besides my frequent trips to the beach, I actually do a lot of normal things like go to class and live my life here. Much of the past week has been spent on largely logistical things: classes, papers, planning for my life post-Africa (which can be difficult to make myself think about) and general scheduling. Thus, rather than give you exciting updates about what I have been doing, I will give you some updates about what I have been thinking, instead. Hang on, this could get hectic...

So, last week while I was in Port Alfred "doing zoo research," we were hanging out at Kelly's house, and we watched what I would consider to be a pretty bad romantic comedy called Something Borrowed. It was stupid, I am not even going to go into it… but I realized that this was only the second chick flick I had seen since I got here. Granted, its not like I watch them very frequently anyway, I am much more likely to enjoy a good man movie (these usually fall under adventure/suspense, if you are confused by the term). Anyway, I realized that while I have not been consciously avoiding them, generally watching chick flicks while far from home is not a good idea, because it just makes me miss people that I love and brings up all these emotional needs that I don’t want to deal with. However, I am not actually telling you this to complain about missing people or my lack of romance. What I realized the next day, when I had all those things on my mind, is that my normal response to these feelings is to go to God, to ask him to help me understand the ways that he actually fulfills whatever I feel like I am lacking (he’s the only one that can truly provide what I am desiring, anyway, although I usually don’t want to see that right away).

However, I have been operating in a totally different response pattern while I have been here. Its as if I have just attempted to shut out any desires that I can’t immediately fulfill… Don’t have best friends around to intimately know me? Its cool, I’ll get by on more superficial interactions for a few months. No family to make me feel needed/cared for? Its fine, I’ll just take a break from people expecting things from me. I don’t need to have deeply personal conversations, intimate relationships, and forget romance, I am definitely not looking for that here. The thing is though, that the people around me at home are not ultimately the source of these things… so by ignoring them, shutting these desires out of my life, I have been dulling my life to the point where I am complacent about being in a state where I shouldn’t be content. Instead of running to God for the things I need, I have been convincing myself that I don’t need them… and ultimately, that I don’t need him.

But that’s not the way that life is meant to be! In John 10:10, Jesus says that he has come so “that they may have life, and have it to the full.” God wants to give us so much more than what we actually think we want. And luckily, although I may sometimes fail to pursue God, he has not stopped pursuing me. Last Wednesday, while I was literally contemplating all of this, I heard a knock on my door (which rarely happens, it usually is so surprising that it makes me jump) and I opened it to find Mia, one of the girls in my res, who said, “Hey, you’re a Christian, right? Can I come in?” She then proceeded to tell me that she was giving a talk that night about giving your life completely to God, and she was talking about the way we compartmentalize our lives or are just lazy when it comes to giving some aspects to Him (convicting much??). She came over because she needed help finding some verses, and my bible happens to have an awesome concordance in the back, but since she had never even seen my bible before, I feel like there was a little divine intervention at work :)

I ended up inviting myself to go with her to her cell group that night. The term cell group, by the way, seems to be South African, since all of the churches I have visited (plus more that I haven’t) have cell groups, and all of the South Africans seem to know what it is, while the girls I know from other countries in Southern Africa generally have been as unfamiliar with it as myself and all of the Americans I have talked to. Basically, it is synonymous with small groups or growth groups that meet within a church group to get to know each other better and grow together. I have been twice now with Mia, and am enjoying just being in community a bit again. God has really been working on my heart in the past week or so (there is always plenty of work to be done), and while I won’t go into it all because I would ramble forever and half of it wouldn’t make any sense, I will give you the big picture: I need the gospel. (We all do.) A lot. Every day. No, really. Every. Day. I need Christ to sacrifice himself for my sins so that I can have a relationship with God. Isn’t it great that he has already taken care of it?