Only You-David Crowder Band

Today started off pretty rough, I’m not going to lie. But everything that was causing my bad day is circumstantial, and I wanted to let you know that God is way more permanent than my issues. This is true for everything, but sometimes it is more apparent than others.

For example, today started out with the thought “today I am going to figure out whether I am going to Mozambique or not”. I didn't. Kristen and I are hoping to travel there over the term vac, but in order for this to happen, I need to find out that 3 things are true:

1.     Cameron (one of the international guys) is coming with us. While I like a good adventure, I am not going with only one girl. If it’s only us, we will stay in SA, where there are more places that girls can travel alone safely.

2.     Vaccinations are not required to enter Mozambique or return to SA. Mozambique is not a Yellow fever region, but often you still need to have the vaccine to re-enter SA from some neighboring countries, and it is possible that it is required for entry. I didn’t get the vaccine before I left because I was a)stupid and b)not planning very well. Since I didn’t need any new vaccines to enter SA, I didn’t bother to go to a travel clinic… which also means that I don’t have the yellow book that has my immunizations record in it. So if you need this to get into Moz, I am stuck.

3.     Visas are either attainable at the border or can be gotten in a week. Citizens of most countries (except SA and a few neighboring countries) need a visa to enter Mozambique, and since we would be traveling by bus, we can’t just land in the airport and take care of it there. Most travel guides say that you can’t get a bus ticket straight to Maputo (the capital) unless you have a visa, because the bus wont wait for you to get one at the border. I think… most information is not very complete or official, and the embassy website is in Portuguese.

Anyway, just writing this out is making my stress level rise. Kristen and I had agreed that we would find out about these three things and make a decision by today. However, Cameron wasn’t in Kristen’s class today, and neither was Yve Marie, the guy who recommended Mozambique to us and would know about visas and vaccinations. Also, Kristen was going to call the embassy today, but she didn’t get time… and thus, still no answers. Planning travel stresses me out, and the fact that the trip is so close is making it way worse.

Then, we got our Zoo papers back after class today, and I didn’t do so well on it. And by not well, what I mean is that the professor thought I was answering a different essay question that I was, and he gave me a 30%. Also, it turns out that I had miscopied the question that I intended to answer, hence the professor not knowing which one I was answering. Either way, bad news bears. The grading system is different here, but a 50% is still failing. Just so you know. Also, Zoology is the only class I am taking that counts toward my major… so it is basically the only class that matters.

Thus, I was not in the best mood right around lunchtime today. Kristen had texted me to say that the guys weren’t in class, and that she wasn’t going to have time to call the embassy. Perhaps I should have offered to call them, but I ran out of airtime last night and need to buy more before I can make any calls. Also, I was fairly distressed by that point in the day, and I selfishly didn’t want to deal with it.

So, that brings us to the point in the story were things turn the corner. I had already used up my quota of listening to Jason Mraz’s Details in the Fabric to calm down while trying to figure out travel plans yesterday, and today was beyond Jason’s abilities. So I gave up trying to do my zoo lab, and opened my bible, which had psalm 49 marked for today. It might be hard to see this psalm as encouraging on the first read through, but I needed it. Verse 13 talks about “the fate of those who trust in themselves”, and it hit me so hard… that’s exactly what I had been doing. I take on all of these challenges that I have decided will make my life complete: I am going to travel and have adventures, make friends and be liked here, do well in my classes be successful in life…

In all of these things, I may toss a casual prayer up—“Hey God, just wanted to let you know that I want this stuff and you should make it happen because you love me and you are sovereign. I am going to ‘trust’ you on this, but I don’t have time to chat, because I need to go strive to make all this happen so I can by happy. K bye”—but I am not actually trusting God with these things. I hold them so close! I work so hard to get ‘the good life’ for myself, but it just isn’t possible for me to do. And you know what the greatest part of this is? Those things don’t even matter.

Regardless of whether I travel nowhere during my stay in South Africa, make no friends, and fail my classes, the purpose of my life is still going to be worshiping the God of the universe. 

Its amazing. While I am busy stressing and freaking out, my creator is literally here with me, moving heaven and earth so that I have the chance to have a personal relationship with him. He is SO BIG. And I am so busy running around trying to make myself happy that I completely ignore the one who will actually satisfy my longings. I can be pretty obtuse sometimes. But that’s is why I have days where things don’t go the way I planned… so I can realize that not only do I not have the power to make things go according to my plan, but that I might have the plan all wrong anyway. If life were great all the time, I would forget how much I need God… I get so easily distracted by the daily little things. Is it weird that I am grateful for today?

I just want to share a passage from Job 40 that hints at the truth about my life (and yours?)…

“Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm:

“Brace yourself like a man: I will question you, and you shall answer me.

 Would you discredit my justice?

Would you condemn me to justify yourself?

Do you have an arm like God’s,

and can your voice thunder like his?

Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor,

and clothe yourself in honor and majesty.

Unleash the fury of your wrath,

look at all who are proud and bring them low,

look at all who are proud and humble them,

crush the wicked where they stand.

Bury them all in the dust together;

shroud their faces in the grave.

Then I myself will admit to you

that your own right hand can save you.”  (v. 6-14)

I don’t know about you, but my right hand is not up to the task. Yet somehow, I am comforted. I don’t need to take life into my own hands. I can’t make it go the way I want, but I don’t have to. Its not that the stuff I was stressing about isn’t important, but we have a God that is so much more important.

P.S. …And he is faithful. I found out yesterday that we don’t have to empty everything out of our rooms over term vac (like they do for some vacations); I can leave my stuff that I don’t need safely here, even though the res will be closed. And that zoo paper? I talked to the professor, and he is letting me re-write it. But even if he wasn’t…praise God.